Questions to ask before moving in together: A financial guide

Moving-in-together checklist

There are lots of reasons to move in or not move in with a partner. Everyone you talk to will likely give you a different perspective. One thing, however, is certain: An open discussion about expectations is absolutely crucial for a smooth transition to a life together. To have these discussions, you need to know what to ask. You can find hundreds of lists online that cover everything from intimacy to logistics. Instead, this article will focus primarily on the financial questions you should ask your partner before taking this step.

Understanding each other’s financial situation, spending habits, and future goals is extremely important for a healthy relationship, no matter what stage it’s in.

Six financial topics to discuss before moving in together

Even though talking about financial topics can be difficult, establishing transparency and setting realistic expectations now will build trust and minimize the risk of disputes in the future. Addressing topics like budgeting, savings, and shared expenses lays the groundwork for responsible financial management by both partners. It also helps couples align on long-term goals and understand each other's financial habits, preferences, and concerns. Here are six of the most important topics you should be discussing with your partner before moving in together:

Income, debt, and credit scores

These topics are usually necessary to cover first, as they will inform most of the following questions. Understanding each other's income will help in planning practical budgets and deciding how to share expenses. Conversations about current debt and credit scores can also help couples identify potential challenges early, which might impact joint financial decisions like renting an apartment or purchasing a house. It’s also important to have a plan for how to avoid additional debt in the future.

Combined finances or separate?

Deciding whether to combine finances or keep them separate is a significant choice that couples must make when they decide to move in together. Combined finances can simplify budgeting, but they also require a high level of trust and communication, and some couples prefer to maintain separate finances to preserve a sense of independence. There are ways to find middle ground, like a joint checking account for household expenses, where each partner regularly contributes a portion of their paycheck.

When it comes to a rental contract or mortgage, discussing whose name should be on the paperwork is equally important, as it carries legal and financial responsibilities. The decision often depends on credit scores and financial history, and it’s worth discussing a plan beforehand.

You may also be able to share some employer benefits at this stage, such as putting your partner on your employer-sponsored health insurance, even if you aren’t yet married. This will vary by state and plan, so check with your plan administrators to see what’s possible.

How will you split rent, utilities, and household expenses?

In a perfect world, couples would opt for an equal 50/50 split, but that’s not always feasible. There may be a large income disparity between partners, or they may have different preferences for where they’d like to live. In many cases, a split based on each person's income may be more equitable. Either way, creating a plan before bills start to roll in is important for reducing conflict later.

One often overlooked question is who will be responsible for making sure all the essentials, like rent and utilities, are paid on time. Should it be one person’s responsibility, or do you split the task? There are numerous digital tools and apps that can aid in tracking and managing shared financial responsibilities.

Budgeting

The key to coming up with a household budget is finding a solution that both parties feel is fair. It’s a collaborative process that can factor in more than just income and debt. For example, if one partner is unable to contribute as much as the other to rent, perhaps they can take on a larger portion of the chores. Once a budget is decided on that both parties feel happy with, it’s still important to track spending and check in regularly to make changes when necessary. Budget-tracking tools or apps can help in monitoring financial progress, providing tips, and identifying any deviations from the agreed-upon plan in real time A financial professional can also help you create a realistic budget.

Keep in mind that disagreements over the budget are bound to happen, no matter your financial situation. When they do, it's essential to address them in open and calm discussions. Try to focus on potential compromises and solutions rather than conflicts. Treat these disagreements as opportunities to reexamine the budget and see if any changes are needed.

Financial goals for the future

Now that you have a plan for day-to-day finances, it’s also important to talk about the future. Take some time to discuss your dreams and align on some short-term and long-term goals that excite both of you. For example, do you want to take a trip to Europe next year? How will you pay for it? Do you want to purchase a home together? If so, you’ll probably need to start saving for a down payment. Or maybe one of you already owns a home—in that case, there may be major renovations that one or both want to see. Do you want to fix up the guest bathroom, update with solar panels on the roof, even add a pool? These are large costs that will need to be discussed.

Once you have some goals laid out, set some realistic benchmarks and revisit them regularly. Track your progress and update your plans as needed. This process is often about compromises, so it’s critical to make sure both parties feel heard and valued. It might also be time to consider life insurance, since you are now sharing financial obligations with someone. Having a clear vision of your shared future will work to strengthen your relationship.

Worries or insecurities about money

Many people carry anxiety or idiosyncrasies surrounding money that stem from personal struggles— or family factors during childhood, in situations over which they had no control. These can manifest in ways that don’t necessarily make sense to the other partner, such as a reluctance to eat out at restaurants or a tendency to spend extra money quickly. It’s important to check in with your partner and be empathetic toward the experiences that shaped their financial perspective. Once you both have a good understanding of the other’s concerns, you can work together toward a solution.

Costs of moving in together

One final thing to keep in mind when making this transition is that planning the logistics of moving in together can be expensive and complicated. Beyond rent or a mortgage, you’ll need to budget for utilities such as electricity, water, internet, and cable. You may be able to ask the landlord or previous tenants for an estimated cost. A new space also could require buying new furniture. There are also changes in commutes and associated costs like gas, as well as increased grocery costs for two people. Plan to have a fair amount of cushion in your initial budget when you move in together so you can adapt as these costs start to arise.

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¹“Money Fights,” Ipsos, February 2024.